Absolut Wade

Oops

2010-07-06T00:32:49Z

At the end of the Korean War, there were a few G.I.'s that refused to come back home after being released from POW camp. There was a scare in the govt. about communist brain washing techniques. Harvard Psych prof Walter Murray worked for the OSS and did intense brainwashing studies on students at Harvard. Years later, the students were interviewed and felt humiliated and still very bitter. One of the students in the study, the youngest and most humiliated in these interrogations was Ted Kaczynski, who would later be known as the Unabomber.

RadioLab Podcast 06/29/10 - "Oops"

Back in Australia

2010-06-18T02:16:37Z

A few weeks in Australia and it's nice to be back, visiting the country I call my second home. Things have changed, circumstances have changed and a few faces have changed but some are familiar and have been happy to find the new ones and get to know more about them as well. It is however, winter here. That's left a little something to be desired still.

The weirdest thing about being in Australia though is that it's not weird to be in Australia. I have traveled so much and my home base is now non existent really, so traveling feels a little less removed from reality and more of the permanent status quo.

I don't want to always be a world traveler, always moving on to that next place. The last few months however, I have really needed it. It's helped get my head and my heart back in the right place. To remember what is important, to leave behind what isn't and to see the world in a way that makes sense again. I am thankful to have the opportunity to do so. I am also thankful for the friends and family who are there when you need them and the people that include, rather than exclude. Life is too short, ya know?

So, that being said, looks like Sydney is in the cards for early next week and I will be happy to see the place I called home for a time again. It's been over six and a half years since I have been there. It will be good to go back for a quick visit. I plan on seeing a lot and taking a lot of new photos.

Why we can't have nice things

2010-06-18T01:52:44Z

I became aware yesterday that someone had stolen young photos of Nathan and created fake FaceBook profiles with them. This after the year before last, someone did the same to me using photos they had stolen of me from Flickr and created profiles on FaceBook as well as MySpace. It's frustrating and I have giving in to paranoia, but this doesn't just affect me anymore, it affects my son. So, as of now, if you want to see personal photos, you have to be a friend or family on Flickr. If you are a friend or family member and not currently seeing them, please let me know.

Pour trouver un chemin

2009-12-11T05:16:59Z

After a rough start of my plane being delayed in Oklahoma City due to weather and a long layover in the Detroit airport, followed by a long rough flight to Paris, I managed to not let any stress get the better part of me once I arrived. It used to a lot, but I quickly found my luggage, got some cash out of the ATM, located the info to the bus I needed to catch and eventually found myself feeling a bit relaxed on a bus ride into city center. I was pleased to see my iPhone was working here and glad I prepaid for the 20MB of data usage while traveling. Otherwise it would cost a fortune to use and the GPS map will probably be a good friend over the next week.

Roisseybus to the Paris Opéra took about an hour but the views were nice and the sun was shining down very brightly in the window, it felt good and made me smile. I saw the Basilique du Sacré Coeur in the distance and drove right past Le Moulin Rouge, both reminded me of my last visit to Paris and I kept thinking how much has changed since then. When I got to the Opera, I got off the bus and met up with my friend Donna who was kind enough to take off from work to wait for me at the stop. We got on another bus to head to Rue de Bac. Donna gave me a tour of the apartment and let me put my things in my room, showed me around the neighborhood, then went back to work. I went back up stairs, butchered the French language to a person sharing the elevator with me, went to my room, unpacked a few things, then literally passed right out. It was close to 4 pm Paris time.

I woke up a little after midnight and started putting things away, charging batteries and organizing my stuff for the week. I should be trying to force myself to sleep some more, otherwise it will hurt tonight, but I am wide awake and its now 6:40 am. I think I may shower, grab my camera and go see what Paris looks like at sunrise in a few hours.

And so it goes...

2009-10-21T17:27:09Z

And there is the account of the hanging of three men, and a scuba diver, and a suicide. There are stories of coincidence and chance, of intersections and strange things told, and which is which and who only knows? And we generally say, "Well, if that was in a movie, I wouldn't believe it." Someone's so-and-so met someone else's so-and-so and so on. And it is in the humble opinion of this narrator that strange things happen all the time. And so it goes, and so it goes. And the book says, "We may be through with the past, but the past ain't through with us."

- Narrator, Magnolia (1999)

You Are Who You Choose To Be

2009-10-14T03:30:02Z

One of my favorite movies of all time is an animated piece by Brad Bird (The Simpsons, The Incredibles) called The Iron Giant (1999). It was an insanely great story about a kid growing up in Rockwell, Maine during the height of the Cold War in the late 50's who befriends a crashed giant robot who fell to earth. The robot has a dent in his head and seems to suffer from amnesia. After a time together, the kid teaches the robot about things like life and death and morality with the aid of comic books featuring Superman and a villainous robot named Atomo.

Towards the end of the movie, it becomes apparent that the robot had a war like nature built to him as his dent is popped out, he thinks his new friend Hogarth is dead, and the US Army is attacking him. He goes into a furry of what we assume is his original mission, to attack and destroy with lasers and death rays that look deeply inspired by the aliens in War of the Worlds. Hogarth, still alive, stands in front of the giant's arm (now a giant gun) and tells him he doesn't have to do this; "wait, stop! It's bad to kill, guns kill, and you don't have to be a gun, you are what you choose to be... you choose... .choose.." The giant snaps out of his attack mode, puts the guns away and realizes his situation.

In the end, the giant gives his life to save the people of the town and stop their imminent destruction. Remembering the words Hogarth taught him, he makes his choice to be like Superman and do the right thing. As he approaches the falling missile headed for the town, he closes his eyes and smiles before the explosion is seen in the sky from Hogarth and the townspeople.

The movie is about change and choosing your path, despite your original programming. We don't have to be the victims of our past, we have a choice.

I choose Superman.

About Last Night

2009-08-28T13:06:58Z

Last night was my birthday and it went by a lot more fun than I thought it would. After debating over if I was going to go out or stay in, I decided to go out and not spend the evening alone. Surprisingly, it was fairly easy to grab a bunch of people for last minute plans and go on a pub crawl in the west village. It was a great mix of people that made the evening go well and I got to meet someone upcoming famous (Upcoming Macy's day Parade, singing with Kermit).

From Tavern on Jane, to an underground bar called Von, to bit of fun dive called Swift Hibernian Lounge, and some random last stop with a near scuffle with other drunks before heading home, it was a good night all around.

The well wishes online from so many and the camaraderie of the group last night lifted my spirits enormously.

Thanks friends.

How to Care for your Unemployed Friend

2009-08-26T16:30:45Z

Being without a full time job with benefits can suck, especially when the whole country is facing a time of high unemployment rate. First no one is hiring, then a few people are hiring but the few positions available are being fought over with a great zeal of competitiveness. It can be frustrating and discouraging at times and even with the best of intentions, there are a few things that are probably best avoided to talking about with your unemployed friend.

1. If the friend shared with you an exciting interview coming up, that means they wanted you to know that they had some high hopes this would go well. After the interview happens, you may want to show this friend that you are thinking about them by asking about how the interview went. If the interview went well and is leading to another interview, you are probably going to be the first to hear back about it. If you hear nothing and then ask, it could be like picking a scab off an emotional wound. No word back can feel like a rejection and to stay positive, you have to focus on the next interview.

2. Don't keep asking how your unemployed friend how they are doing. Although you have the best of intentions, this makes them feel like a leper when they have to keep saying "hanging in there." and forcing a smile when they may in fact, and probably are, a bit worried and scared. Talking about it doesn't always help, in fact sometimes, it can let some of the depression of not having found that awesome job yet overwhelm them when they were doing a pretty good job before on focusing on the positive.

3. Be open to if they want to vent. Let them lead the "I need to talk" conversation, don't force it on them. Even those who are reserved in sharing their emotion sometimes take refuge in quiet self introspection.

4. Buy them a beer and/or a meal occasionally. This does wonders when you find yourself accounting for every dollar a bit more closely, a beer or a meal out becomes more of a luxury. It's nice to feel human again and get out for a bit to forget about the issues that worry you.

5. Know that your concern is appreciated, even if they seem to be a bit reserved in wanting to communicate sometimes.

* This guide may differ from vagrant to vagrant. Please consult with a professional if these steps do not achieve the appropriate positive response.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

2009-08-26T15:54:16Z

America lost the last of it's royalty today. By that I mean, as a nation that prides itself to be free of a monarchy, we had this family that championed themselves as a matter of duty to be a voice to help shape and guide America though some challenging times in it's history. To this effort, the Kennedy family paid a great price.

A few years ago I took a road trip through the American West. I spent a day in San Francisco and took a few hours to relax in Union Square. A pollster came up to me and made some chat and asked me who my personal hero was as part of her polling question. I had to think about it for a bit and came up with John F. Kennedy. When she asked why I chose him, I said it was because he was our last idealist President. That idealism actually branched out to his brothers, and this country owes that family a great deal of gratitude for it.

The peace Corps, Immigration rights, Civil rights, Health care, Labor rights, and Space exploration, are just a few ways in which this country benefited from this family's calling.

Ted Kennedy was the only brother out of four that died a non violent death for this country. He served in the Senate since 1962 and was known as a Democratic leader who could reach across party lines to get things done. As the rest of his family, he served his country in service and in politics, was raised in privilege but championed the average American in government.

Senator Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy (February 22, 1932 August 25, 2009)

Fight the Good Fight

2009-07-30T01:58:20Z

Yesterday, my son left back for Oklahoma. He was here for over a month in New York City. The trip to the airport was a bit depressing but I kept us talking and concerned with our path to the airport so for the most part, it was an everyday event until we were sitting at his gate, waiting for him to board. I was trying to be okay but it was just killing me to see that kid get on a plane to go away from me and for who knows how long 'till I see him again. In this economy, I haven't been able to get back every couple of months like I used to. This last gap of time was equal to the amount of time I went without seeing him in Australia.

Today, I started a new contract job that will last a few weeks and I think both sides are still looking to see how the fit goes. I like the people there and the the walk is pretty nice so I hope it does work out. But today, my first day to work there, there was an 89% humidity which caused me to show up drenched with sweat. During the first meeting my eye did the allergy blood fill thing, and on the way home, it poured down rain down on me. Despite the cool rainstorm view from the 44th floor in a lower Manhattan office and a cool thunderstorm today, I'm so sick of the rain. Yesterday and today I have felt like a truck ran over me, probably from the emotions I have been dealing with.

I have dealt with a lot of emotions and life altering events over the past year, one after another, after another. I have done all this with a smile on my face and a positive attitude while some days screaming a bit inside. But for one month, one really good month, I had my son here to remind me what is really important and make everything else seem a bit less significant. This awesome kid who means more to me than anything, sit next to me, and be that piece of hope I so urgently needed. It was exactly what I needed. And just like that, he was now gone as well. It really hurt. He knows that he is a source of strength for me, I kinda like that he knows that.

I will be fine, I always land on my feet, sometimes you just need some time and a big change to come along. I'm ready for the change.

Reunions and Social Networking

2009-07-22T05:16:04Z

My family moved around a lot when I was a kid. I was born in Alabama, lived mostly in Oklahoma and finished up my High School education in Colorado. Last weekend was the Chickasha High School class of 1989 reunion and this coming weekend is the Durango High School class of 1989 reunion. Both of which I had tentative plans to attend but thanks to the economy, I have had to cancel on both.

I didn't really go to any 10 year reunions because I honestly would not have not have even known anything about it. And frankly, would have had a hard time remembering most of the people there. When you have to adapt to as many environments as I have, you have to make room for new faces and names to index over the old ones. This isn't to say the old ones weren't important, but you prioritize to the now when you have to get to know a whole new school of people four times over, not including two universities and two branches of service as well as countless jobs.

As I said, I didn't go to the ten year reunion in Chickasha, but I was invited by a friend to attend the homecoming football game that many of the reunion alumni were going to. I saw a few people there I vaguely remembered and talked to a few of them for a bit, but there wasn't a big impact really. I had a pretty good job then, but was in a rut as far as life giving me everything I was wanting out of it.

So twenty years, holy crap! It had been twenty years since graduation and that's a long time. But as people were connecting on FaceBook and showing pictures of them and now and all the fun group pictures in High School, It occurred to me it had been much longer for me. My friends and acquaintances were still 9th graders in my eyes because that was when I last saw most of them. People I once knew had gone on living and growing when I left that school and there was the evidence. Despite your brains best effort to make you think those people are still the same from when you last saw them, they were busy having their lives and growing as people too.

In the end, my moving around so much had a few effects on me, it made able to adapt to new surroundings, but in return, it made me lose a bit of my past. It also made me lose a piece of me that roots itself in it's past. These people, no matter how distant now, had a big impact in forming my opinions on the world and how I see things. In all the places I went to. And yet in my ability to adapt I had nearly dumped all those memories years ago.

I'm thankful for the social media networks for giving that to me, for letting me have my past back. To reconnect to people I knew for years, or for a brief time of my life that was important to me. I'm happy to reconnect to these people and see they aren't the same kids I last saw either. It's been enlightening on many levels and it's given me back a piece of myself.

My Top Apple iPhone Apps

2009-05-15T04:25:21Z

Tweetdeck I really wanted to like Twitterific but they dropped the ball. Timed with the release of the 3.0 iPhone operating system was the release of Tweetdeck which gives a better user interface design and features than any of it's predecessors.

City Transit NYC Subway Guide This is a great application if you live in NYC or just visiting as a tourist. Not only does it show all the rail lines on a map, it gives you the detailed info for each line. Nearest Station finder can be handy too when in a part of town you aren't as familiar with.

Kindle for iPhone Okay, so it's not as easy to read as the real thing, but I currently have about 20 books in my pocket to read when I am crazy bored on a plane or on the subway. Plus reference books that fits in my pocket. I'm a bit disappointed that Amazon didn't build in an ability to purchase the books directly in the application, hopefully that will be fixed in a future release.

Myst A guilty pleasure from my early days on the Mac. When Myst came out it was revolutionary and now the whole adventure is on my phone anytime I want to relive it. A bit of a hefty download but worth it for people who want to revisit the island.

OmniFocus Although this organization app has a bit of a learning curve, it's usefulness becomes obvious once you get into it. Organize using several methods such as due date, context, location, project, and more. It's made much more useful by the somewhat over priced desktop app for $80. OmniFocus sells for $20 on the App Store.

Pocket God Another useless application that would have lost me after a few launches, but they keep updating it about every other week or so and you can do something all new to the little lemmings who live on the island. My fav: death by vampire bat bite then bring on the sun. (poof)

TV Forecast It's like having your DVR list wherever you go so you can remember when your show is coming on or be painfully reminded of your favorite show getting canceled. Also, it come in very handy when reprograming the DVR or TiVo for reference.

Flight Update The last time I was making a connecting flight, my plane was late and I only had ten minutes to get across Detroit airport. While American Airlines was giving me no information before getting off the plane, Flight Update let me know my connecting flight was delayed as well so no need to run with a suitcase.

PocketFlicks If you have a Netflix account this can be helpful. Especially when you remember on your way home that you mailed in your last three movies back yesterday and "Footloose" is at the top of your list for some strange reason and you need to change it, stat!

Facebook Facebook was early to get out this sleek ap for the iPhone. It is still one of the best designed user interface apps out there. A lot of information to update but organized so it's easy to find. Never again do you have to not know exactly what that person you kinda know is or is not doing right now with a survey.

Air Mouse Pro This is surprisingly a more useful app than I would have imagined. Control your Mac or PC desktop remotely from your iPhone and quite easily with one hand or two. Many different uses like controlling my Mac Mini from bed to launch Hulu desktop or a slide show presentation.

Shopper It could use a little refinement still but they do keep updating it and so far it feels like the best simple list organizer for the iPhone. For complicated task and organizers, you should look for something else.

Mobile Fotos An excellent app for viewing your photos and videos on Flickr. Multiple accounts and GPS enabled tagging as well as viewing map locations of other photos. Now with background uploading.

Adventure Another game app that is completely useless to productivity and even a bit simplistic compared to today's standards in gaming while you run your dot around simple mazes and fighting dragons with an arrow, but it's old school and that's how I roll.

Guitar Toolkit Not that I am awesome at the guitar or anything. But I recently got back into it and it's an awesome resource for correct tuning, tempo, chord directory and sound samples. The interface is excellent and easy to navigate. I'll never be a rock star outside my own head, but this will help me live the dream

Wobble I know, I know, but In the effort of full disclosure, this app is just well... awesome. I'm a little surprised Apple allowed it through their very strict guidelines for Apps but it's just. uhm, fun. At least pervyness is supposedly helping donate money to breast cancer awareness, which was completely and strictly my only goal for buying this app. What?....

Splash ID I used to own this for my Treo phone and had forgotten how useful it is for keeping all my passwords and access info to everything from email accounts to web site accounts. Strong encryption and is password protected itself (otherwise what's the point?) Nice to have this info when and where I need it.

How Obama got Elected.

2009-03-01T19:26:42Z

Few things strike me so absurdly one-sided that they should be pointed at and mocked as an example to others of how not to cry about defeat in an election as the website howobamagotelected.com. Despite my own political opinions, this is just absurd from many viewpoints and Sarah Palin should be trying to distance herself from this video, if she really does have any future political aspirations.

Let's start with the most obvious thing. Ziegler began by appearing on Fox News to complain about how the media was opinionated and one-sided against Sarah Palin. Really? And on the Hannity and Colmes show no less? Do you not see how funny and absurd this is? I don't think anyone is even trying to deny that Hannity isn't a hard leaning pundit for his party while Combs does little to actually stand up against him as "the opposition opinion".

Second, Ziegler seems to ignore the fact that when Sarah Palin first hit the spotlight at the Republican National Convention, before anyone knew her background or knowledge base for the office she was running for, she was boasted as the Republican darling who gave a great speech and was going to be a huge threat to the Democratic chances in November. She was going to bring life back into the McCain campaign and it did have the Democrats nervous for a short time.

Third, Ziegler could have easily found many of the same comments from the Republican side, attacking Obama and Biden over the course of the campaign. But more to the point, he could find many offensive remarks from the Republican biased media against Hillary Clinton over the last four years. he knows this, his colleagues know this and, yet, he is trying to sell a documentary to bring to light the "unfair treatment Sara Palin was given by the media". Really? It doesn't matter what your views on Hillary Clinton are, you have to at least see the hypocrisy in ignoring this fact, while pointing it out for Palin.

]]> Fourth, the interviews. Are you really going to blame Katie Couric, and other interviewers, for Palin flubbing and avoiding questions that seem very fair to someone running for the second highest office in the land? Even if your conspiracy theory was true, this is such a lame defense. If you couldn't handle questions from a 4'10" perky reporter, how are we to expect you to hold up at all in a negotiation with leaders and representatives from other, possibly hostile, countries? It's your job as a leader to think on your feet and come through with an answer that is reasonable and acceptable. Running for the second highest office is not a place to cut your teeth on.

Fifth, if you are really going to blame Saturday Night Live's coverage of Tina Fey portraying Palin as being "Not all there" when it comes to the issues and facts of running for the position of Vice President of the United States, then maybe she shouldn't have embraced this medium by appearing on the show. Obama, McCain, and Hillary took several shots on the show as well, but let's face it, the Tina Fey's portrayal of Palin was by far the funniest and that's why SNL ran with it. Of course we watched. Palin provided the material.

Sixth, her wink was obnoxious and way over the top. Don't get all mortified over the fact that it was lampooned by almost everyone everywhere. People were doing it without their liberal biased media newscasters having to tell them to. And, if you are really trying to get sympathy to your cause, it might help if you (Ziegler) don't give interviews to MSNBC and say "People are stupid".

Seventh, are you really alluding to the fact that so many people wanted to see a black president in the White House that they voted for him despite any knowledge of his politics? Are you really going to imply that this was a one-sided issue? Could you not make the same argument that many Republican voters were making uninformed opinions based on racism and/or loyalty to the party as opposed to actual facts? Not to label Republican voters as a whole, but every party has its share of uninformed and biased voters. This isn't new.

Eighth, Palin's sad eyes and interviews in your film. She honestly looks like she is going to cry. Is this really the image you want to put forward for Palin if your obvious agenda here is to elevate her towards the next presidential election? No one likes a sore loser. The fact that you are not defending John McCain, and portraying Palin as Obama's equal rival, shows an obvious agenda here and it's kinda laughable.

Enjoy your ten minutes Ziegler, if only the Oscars had a "WTF" category.

When you're a statistic, everything is more in focus.

2009-02-27T19:16:00Z

A few weeks ago, I came in to work and everything seemed a bit strange. Work was getting shelved that was recently important and my urgent request emails weren't being returned. My director went in for a meeting with our manager and then when he came out, I was asked to come in. It hit me what this was on my way to the office.

I had been let go and so had my director. The company had been really trying to pull itself out of a quagmire of issues and with the economy doing a nose dive, it was the last straw. The investors were ordering downsizing and the people who were going to stay were going to have to make some sacrifices as well. In my manager's defense, it was an emotional thing for him to do, and we all liked working with each other. There was just no getting around it. I left the office, talked to my director a bit, grabbed a few things and headed home on the 4 train.

]]> On the train was a usual mid day subway peddler. Usually they hold up a sandwich, tell you they are helping the needy and ask for some change. Sometimes it's some lame kid who obviously just needs to buy some smokes. This time it was a very soft spoken man with a drum. When the doors closed and we took off. He said something like "none of this is important, don't take life too serious" and then he played a nice version of "what a wonderful world this can be" with his drum. It helped. It helped me get over the shock of what just happened.

By the time I got off the train and walking to my apartment, I realized that I wasn't panicked as I thought I should be. Lots of people are getting the cold end of a business stick right now, this wasn't personal, I was liked by the people who I answered to (and worked with) and my work was valued.

For some reason, I have been keeping this slightly under wraps to the public at large. Not really sure why except that it sucks to be the "dead man walking" in every conversation about how I am doing. But, here I am. I'm unemployed and living in the most expensive city to live in, in the United States. Awesome.

I have a few months before things get desperate, I am debt free so, things could be a lot worse. I've scaled back my going out for now and things will be fine (for now). If things aren't fine later then I will deal with it then. The urge to travel and work abroad again is still there so my plan C isn't so bad. This is an opportunity to do something new and that's never a bad thing. Some days it can get to me but for the most part I have been facing this with a pretty decent attitude.

I've been a bit distant with most people lately, online and in the real world. I have just been trying to stay focused and getting a lot accomplished in a very short time. Hosting issues, updating my portfolio, some personal business in Oklahoma, and my son turning twelve last week. The regular Beau programming will be back soon.

Wish me luck.

Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

2007-12-17T23:14:23Z

I have become used to my new morning routines that have come with the new job. I walk to Wall Street every morning, grab a coffee, jump on a crowded subway that zips me under Manhattan past Fulton, past Union Square, past Grand Central, exiting finally at 59th street. Three stories up the stairs and I finally get to see the daylight on a short five block walk that takes me to my building. After the fourty-five minutes of standing on the subway I have noticed a pattern in the passengers including myself in behaviour, Many people stare at the floor or look at the ads above the seats, most look like they are not happy with where they are going. iPods have saved all of us from acknowledging the crazies or one another for that matter. I like the crazies. They make the ride interesting and they make me feel oh so very normal. I keep making myself smile, to not become one of them. I probably look like one of the crazies.

After exiting at my stop and climbing up to the surface, I make a turn from 59th to Park Avenue and start walking south. It's a beautiful street. Mostly, I like how the Metlife Building looks with the beautiful Grand Central building in front of it. The double lane streets with the expensive stores everywhere. I walk down it listening to my ipod, coffee in hand and ipod playing the playlist I change out every month. I like sappy music but I try to put some more upbeat stuff in the rotation to help me get motivated for the day.

Something last week made me stop for a minute and have a look around in more detail than I had any other morning. I stopped and looked around at the buildings, at the people, at my reflection in the glass of the window with my long coat and scarf on.

How did I get here?