I can't begin to tell you in proper detail exactly how horribly stupid the movie Pulse is but I will try to give you the run down. I would warn you that my rant here will be spoiler filled but if you want to see this movie after I have warned you, then you're dead to me. I had a goal to find at least 30 ways this movie sucked so here it goes;
1. We get it, we are all plugged in with our cell phones and our PDA's and our text messaging and our wireless connections, I wonder if it will some how be the downfall of us all? Seriously, like 20 min into the movie they can't drop the pushing on us how digitally connected we all are. At one point instead of screaming, I thought she was going to pull out her phone and text "OMG, AUUUGHH!" to all of her friends.
2. Somehow, we find out that Red Masking Tape will keep the booglies out. How the hell did they figure that out?
3. The booglies want to capture you and suck out what I thought was your soul, turns out it was your "will to live" which makes you both want to die and infects you with something that consumes you or makes you wall paper. Except that the only kid you see actually kill himself is the first kid to go (with phone cord, that is sooo deep). After that they go away screaming, which seems to suggest, a will to live.
4. Wes Craven made this movie, which is the remake of another crappy Japanese movie of the same name, which is a remake of about 20 other teen horror movies that Wes Craven crapped out of his brain.
5. The original guy who was part of the team that found the booglie's signal which brought on this horror, somehow got away from the slaughter and made it back to his room, and somehow had 20 rolls of red tape and somehow put it up on every square inch of his walls within seconds before the booglies came after him too.
6. What the hell are the booglies anyway? I call them booglies for fun but they weren't really defined in the movie except it was implied they are the dead trying to come back to get what they want from us, our life. Except when they suck out your will to live, they don't come back to life or anything.
7. How the hell do you write a computer virus to stop the booglies from coming through your computer?
8. The black guy didn't turn to dust, he was sucked into the wall, why did he die differently?
9. what was up with the skinned cat?
10. How many times does a computer have to run without being plugged in before it stops freaking you out?
11. The stupidest kid in any class you grew up with, figured out before the main girl in this movie did to throw out the mother$&%*'n cell phone from the car, even after the radio tells you that the booglies come in through the connection.
12. Why do all the kids in this movie live in really freaky crack-house types of apartments? We get it, they are so nerd, ipod carrying emo cool.
13. Why doesn't anyone have a laptop? Everyone has a tube monitor from about ten years ago and yet can all afford expensive cell phones.
14. Who forgot to take the blue filter of the camera before sooting this film? It didn't work for Mel Gibson and it didn't work here either.
15. Why are half the scenes from the trailer not actually in the movie? NO ONE jumped off a water tower. Bitches.
16. Why do the booglies just sit an d look at you through your computer monitor and let you look at them? Why does Hell only have a 56k connection judging by the quality of the video. Why do they ask their victims on the computer if they want to meet a ghost? Is it like the vampire rule where they can't kill you if you don't invite them in, or are they just being pricks?
17. Why was the first dead friend asking for help via IM? Was he still himself in the booglie hell? Would he not become one of them trying to be a prick on someone's computer?
18. With gazillions of dead people sucking out your will, why was it the same looking guy going after everyone we saw getting killed?
19. Could the lead girl in the movie possibly wear any more ironic t-shirts?
20. Why Ohio? I mean sure, I always assumed the downfall of humanity would start in Ohio but they never explained why a university there? Why not MIT or something more plausible?
21. Who was the creepy old dude in the library at the very beginning? Did he get paid off by the booglies who wanted to be pricks?
22. What was with all the eye makeup? was she trying to fool the ghosts into thinking she was already dead? Oh, right, Ironic shirts and all...
23. Bathtub scene, side-on car collision scene, virus upload will save us all; Reused and tired schticks used in 50 other horror films, why even do a remake if you can't even be innovative in re-telling the story.
24. Most of the time you were supposed to be seeing the booglies, they kept flickering the screen like a bad monitor about to give out. This seemed to be a cheaper effect than actually showing us scary booglies.
25. Why did the booglies even bother hiding from the lead girl in the beginning like in the bathroom scene when they were all GOTCHYA! with all the other friends?
26. Why did the booglies come out of dumb places like the dryer instead of just coming through a wall or a door. I mean, when your a dead creature from the beyond, do you need to keep being a prick just for the effect? Your already scary just by saying "Hi".
27. Guy from "Lost", also another one of the pretty people who know a lot about computers and can't seem to get a job. damn hippies.
28. Why did Josh make a video diary? I mean, if he's so connected, why didn't he blog? or podcast? Hmn? Hmnn?
29. When the girl almost got her will sucked out, how did the guy pull her away, I mean, why didn't they just smack him around too?
30. In the end we lost the war and all of humanity had to evacuate to the areas where there was no mobile phone or signal (leaving parts of Ohio and South Korea) "We lost the cities to them" Of course with no humans in those cities to run the generators to power those devices, wouldn't it all be a done deal in a relatively short period of time?
I wanna watch it now.
holy crap! You are like the next Gene Siskel!
Movies don't get any worse than this. They really don't. Two hours of my life I'll never get back...