forgiveness from the child.
"sometimes, when grown-ups get mad, they yell and it's not right and i am sorry. i will do my best not to do it again, okay?"
"it's okay daddy"
- he's very forgiving, i have to remember to never take advantage of that.
and they wonder why retention is down?
a very dear friend of mine felt like crap last weekend because her employer, my previous employer, took a bite out of her. regardless of the issues, it was a personal, vindictive, immature, hurtfull attack on a personal level that was highly unprofessional. the management comes down on making attacks on it's employees then turns to those they want to bring back to their organization saying "all is wonderfull here, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain"... it's funny what people with a minimal ammount of power will do to vent their frustrations on the people who have to take it just to make themselves feel more important and in charge. what gets me even more are the people who should be stepping in and saying this isn't right, people who are supposed to be in charge, ....just sit and watch and avoid eye contact, because they are afraid.
no sir, the more things change, the more they stay the same...
Wonderful
I have a new favorite song. wonderful by everclear. it has replaced my burnout of the month song by macy grey. arms wide open by creed is really good too.
dressing room
ray over at the maxx somehow found the time to make a skin for soundjam.
pretty cool, clean, elegant, leaves a refreshing and sweet taste...
survivor
must have (gasp, cough) bandwidth, my asp is leaking, (gasp) "is there an it tech in the house? i have a site down here, i need a tech in here stat!'
"it's okay son, you'r gonna make it, you were out for a while there but it's looking better, just keep you'r dsn up...."
absolutwade.com pulled through...
muffled
i'm not going to say a thing about this site. i'm just going to show it to you. a local guy who can do shockwave and digital animation. see, look at the words...
mac os x
well, it's coming. apple's new operating system mac os x. it excites and intimidates me at the same time. It's a radical departure from the traditional bit icons, the directory structure (although if you are used to the mac structure it shouldn't be that hard to adapt too).
it's very graphical which appeals to me on an artsy-techno level but also concernes me on a performance level. hopefully things like animated alert windows and sliding away storeage windows will be a feature you can toggle on or off. it's been rebuilt entirely on a unix platform making it much more stable and making many programmers and software developers such as adobe shout for joy. you gatta love the fact maya is building for the mac platform os x now. in any case, it's the biggest innovation in os design since the macintosh first came out. whether you like mac's or not, you have to love the fact that they are shaking the industry up to make better things..
my beta copy will be here shortly, i will let you know how it goes..
ice bannanas
why do automatic ice makers most commonly produce bannana wedge shaped ice? is that a design feature? everytime i reach for a handfull of ice to put in my glass, at least one slips through my fingers and hits the floor?
why bannana wedge? why not hectagon?
halfprice hosting sucks
well, after all i have said about my hosting provider i think i am going to bail them, they have my site down at least once a day and they never respond in a decent mannor. of course with my site i will pull outland's web site and all of it's clients as well.
i can't believe their service is as bad as it is and with no, explanations to boot.
mid-life reviews
i'm not a hothead, you'r just too passive.
why do they call it a mid-life crisis? because you question the meaning of your living? because you re-evaluate the direction your life took a few years back? because you get out of line and take the ride over there, the one that you wern't supposed to? no sir, it's not a mid life crisis, it's a healthy mid-life review. i'm on the downhill curve of my first real installment and the good news is, my report card aint that bad.
sitting on my balcony tonight, i miss my friend, someone i shared talks with, someone who helped keep my fear and anger in check. someone who held my hand because they know i can't let anyone know it needs holding. someone who understood the things that most people couldn't or can't...
goodnight everyone, tell someone you care about how much they mean to you today, they probably don't know.
flash 5
a little less intuitive but a badass program nonetheless. Flash 5 uses action scripting for more custom programing.
little white ball
334 feet. maxfli ball will roll for distance, aim short, number 10 wood club in hand, eye the ball, eye the flag. i usually slice the ball to the left then it comes back strait so i aim slightly left. the wind is blowing lightly, pull the club back keep eye on ball, swing with great force and smack.
it'slike playing pool, only bigger.
went golfing yesterday. yep, you heard me, golfing. david asked me to go and i hadn't been in like a year and before that who knows. over the next 4 anda half hours we played 18 holes and after te first hole it was actually fun, hitting the ball, the right distance, the right trajectory, the right speed... it was fun. i was outside, getting some sun, smacking the little ball around and i was not in front of a computer. after the game, we went back to the driving range to finish up our range balls, i just kept smacking the ball as hard as i could, they wer going far and strait (yeaaa) repeated this motion about 40 times.
today my arms don't feel well. (wobble, woble)
Tim Robins, Napster, the hamster...
have you seen tim robins lately? he's a little heavier and is sporting a gotee that make's him look like james hetfield, the lead singer of metalica. - creeepy..
the hamster was just to get you to read a little faster.
ten min
back in 1997 outland design started an online magazine called gaff magazine. it's in hiatus at the moment but i found this link refrencing it and myself as a featured writer.... heh, that's messed up..
over stimulated
when you reach the point where finding challenges becomes harder to do is a bad thing. i have realized some things about myself recently, things that say a lot about me..
1. i am a great leader when pushed to the wall or in a crisis, otherwise, i would assume not to lead, the presure is too much on a daily basis for me to enjoy it.
2. i like to be independent but i am not happy unless i feel i belong to a bigger picture, something greater than myself, i have a need to to belong to something meaningfull or life fulfilling not just to myself but to others as well. not just "get by" like so many people seem to do.
3. i enjoy a fair ammount of solitude, downtime to interact with myself only. i need it to "recharge" my socability.
* excerpts from your how to care for your beau wade manual.
deadlines
i solved a problem i been mulling over for a while this week. it's a fair solution i think. i set a deadline in my head, and on my calander, of a date that things should have come together by that point. if they don't then i will have no problems changing some other things in my life.
i am tired of the empty promisses, i'm taking back charge of the direction. i am taking responsibility for my happiness.
things are getting much better.
* you've got (hate) mail...
i think it's funny, my online host provider gives their instant messanger name out for their clients. i keep them on my buddy list so if i need to get a hold of them, there they are...
right now their warning level is at 80%, i have seen it get to 100% a few times.
i guess i have to give them credit for just taking it and not shutting the account down or never signing on...
i'm not assy
it's been like 4 whole days without assyness, i am going for the record. although i will give a small bitch; if you want something by a certain date, then just tell me the date, don't make up deadlines so i will kill myself three days before it's due to get it done just to let you "feel better". - punk."
okay,now i'm really not assy.
la la la laaaa.
mtv crap awards
you gatta love a rolling stone review bashing the ill fated, overhypted, ego inflating mtv music awards. just let it go man, cus it's gone
rocky mountain high
went to go play in the mountains, clean air, cooler temperatures, and clearer atmosphere, a digital photoalbum of the event to document my un-assyness is kept in the gallery.
i left my soul here
of course it is insane to leave late friday night to go to aspen, colorado with my son and father but nonethless, here i am.
i found the road where i found my smile a few months back, it was still there :). nathan can't remeber the mountains from when he was a baby, he really enjoys them now.
it's amazing to me, the clouds, the stars, the moon, the day just seems sharper, clearer than it does at home in oklahoma. perhaps it's just my imagination, perhaps the boiling weather at home keeps you from looking at the sky...ever.. did i mention the temperature today was in the high 60's, low 70's? (tee hee hee)
i have been to many places all over the world, i can't stress that in this narroators opinion, colorado is the most beautiful place in the world.
good night everybody, tommorow is a long journey back home.
exiled
my self imposed exile began day before yesterday. so far it sucks. i needed it though, i need time to just chill out. the manipulation is too much for me.
clients
nikki sent this to me today in an email, it's so real that i thought i would share it with you in a non spamual form. a little glimpse of what it is like dealing with advertising clients. thanks nik.
today's visual aid
seen on the side of the highway at lunch, a motorcycle cop pulling over a burnt out, rusted up ford pinto with the words "ghetto cruiser" shoe polished on the side.
bwhahaha..
drooling at my desk
there are somepeople who just talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and they go on, and on, and on, about nothing at all, in any way important and you, and you can tell the person they are talking to is trying desperatly to find an escape......
today i am irritable and i keep hearing these people, invading, repetitive, loud...
:: cha-ching :: ra tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat tat :::::
self actualization
the priest smiled at Jean Valjean, the theif who beat him down and took his valuables the night before. he released him from his captors with a fib that set him free, when the theif asked why he did this for him, he replied "with this silver, i have saved you from evil, your life must be purchased from hate and despair and released to God.
acts of selflessness are few and far between from one man to the next. we are driven by fear, fear of the unknown, fear of despair, fear of our selves. we make petty decisions weighed against the fear of our personal loss and we strike out in anger unjustly, it seems even our most noble of efforts have self purpose motive.
to do things greater than ourselves. random selfless acts of kindness, helping the person you would least expect, these are goals i strive to achieve but find it hard to do so, i am petty and scared like anyone else under the surface but if anything i have a goal to better myself, to reach a potential greater than myself. it's not a religion, it's not a way of life. it is, in my mind, what gives meaning to our existence. to grow.
Abraham H. Maslow, humanistic psychologist believed in what he called self actualization, that is, a person's need to be and do that which the person was born to do. he believed a person wasn't capable of achieving this goal if the lower humanistic needs were not met, such as food and shelter. these are easily apparent. It is not always clear what a person wants when there is a need for self-actualization.
girlsmack
back in my day, our singers didn't need choregraphy,...and we liked it.
christina aguilera is sucha 'ho, you just know britney spears, jessica simpson and mandy moore call each other up to the greeting of "girlfriend, did you see the hobag's new video?"
- going to go ponder why i even know all these names now, goodnight.
understanding
sometimes, to fully appreciate what it means or takes to be good, you have to learn what evil really is...
and just like that...
things that needed to be said were said, things that i carried with me for a long time were left behind.
last night i opened up like i hadn't in a long time, i let it all come out and i feel much better for it. a sence of release. in what seemed like a long winter of my discontent, i can feel the warmth of moving on.....
thank god, cause i think i was starting to piss everyone off.
HAVE A GREAT 3 DAY WEEKEND!! congradulations trish on you'r wedding this weekend.
purification
when you have everything, you start investing, wondering where everything should go, how your gonna get everything you don't need.
when you lose it all however, theres a purifying effect. stripped from the money, the doo dads you don't really need, there is a sence of freedom.
makes you wonder why you work so hard, doesn't it?
